My sadness was profound and on that same day I wrote a post but I did not publish it. His death was too overwhelming and I needed more time to digest it and understand what it meant for me, what impact should it have on my life and what his death says about the world and society when priests commit suicide.
Carsten first contacted me 10 months before he committed suicide and we kept in touch and had long conversations, he even spoke Hebrew. He worked tirelessly to help hundreds of people who suffer from EHS while trying to survive himself and living in inhumane conditions in his car in the woods.
and confidently waiting, come what may,
we know that God is with us night and morning,
and never fails to greet us each new day.
still evil days bring burdens hard to bear;
O give our frightened souls the sure salvation
for which, O Lord, you taught us to prepare.
with bitter sorrow, hard to understand,
we take it thankfully and without trembling,
out of so good and so beloved a hand.
the joy we had, the brightness of your sun,
we shall remember all the days we lived through,
and our whole life shall then be yours alone
Anna Frank wrote that “Despite it all, I believe that people are really good at heart”. I don’t. The end of Anna Frank’s story just as Carsten’s, is all the proof I need.
I signed my post last year with the word “Shattered”. I still am, every day, thinking about Carsten and the society that murdered him.